I'm Still Here
by Lunaculus
Summary: Steven has a special birthday guest. AU Oneshot, Momswap (?)


Steven's birthday had never been much of a celebration amongst his guardians. Peridot was the one to put in the most effort.

"The annual celebration of the Earth's course around sun in relation to human life seems to have a validating effect to your species", she had explained once. "Since your lifespans are near nonexistent compared to that of gems, you seek meaning in frivolous nonsense that has no significance in the large scale. In other words; what you call 'birthday' is good for the mental health of a human. Seeing as you are one... well, partly, I think celebrating your birth is part of my job as your caretaker."

Although Peridot's words were mostly in her usual calculating tone, Steven liked to believe she genuinely cared. Not that it was even that hard to believe, considering how hardworking she always was in preparation to his birthday. Despite her lack of appetite (or need to eat in general), Peridot did her best to bake a cake for Steven every single year. Sometimes Steven wished she would put more effort into making the cake taste good rather than making sure it was as healthy and full of nutrients as possible, but she had his best in mind so he never complained. Besides, as Peridot was very clear on following recipes to the letter, the cakes were never a failure.

Jasper participated the least. Each year, about a week or so before Steven's birthday, (around the same time as Peridot started arranging the party) she would start avoiding everyone. Namely, Steven. Steven had asked Peridot about it more than a couple times, always receiving the same, vague answer.

"She isn't fond of... human traditions."

But Steven could guess better. After giving up on looking for answers from Peridot, Steven had taken to asking Jasper herself instead. It had been... a short conversation, to say the least, but it had gotten Jasper to come to the party that one year. Her participation was as you'd expect it. Cold and distant, like she always was. She had never been much of a talker and Steven was used to it. Yet... something had changed in her during the party. After blowing the candles and cutting the cake, Steven noted her wide shoulders seeming a little less tense than usual. Gathering his courage he took a piece of cake and, despite Peridot's warning to leave her alone, offered it to Jasper. For the slightest moment her yellow eyes leered at the crumbling slice with a coldness that made Steven shiver. Before he could pull away, however, Jasper closed her eyes and defeat and took the plate.

"...thank you."

It took a long while before Steven mustered the courage to sit next to the big gem. She did nothing to oppose this. Sitting still and poking at the cake with a cake fork with indifference. Steven could hear Peridot mumbling something about the slice going to waste, but ignored her.

"You should have a taste. Peridot spent a lot of time on it", he encouraged instead, granting Jasper a small smile. "It's pretty good."

At first there was no answer and Steven got to merely watch Jasper keep poking at the piece of cake. In a different context the sight would have been amusing – a gem as large and muscular as Jasper holding such a tiny porcelain plate with an even tinier fork in her big hands looked a little silly. The atmosphere was heavy, though, disencouraging any laughter. After a while Steven gave up, sighing to himself and turning his attention towards his own dish. Just as he got a forkful of cake ready to be swallowed, she spoke at last, her words freezing and toxic as they struck right to Steven's core.

"You're nothing but a peace treaty gone wrong."

The fork fell on the porcelain with an echoing, haunting chime.

The next year Jasper spent Steven's birthday in seclusion. Steven didn't see her at all the entire week and by the time it was finally The Day he had lost all hope of her participating again. As he sat on the porch of the beach house and watched the ocean afar, he couldn't help but wonder if he had done something wrong to anger Jasper in the past that he couldn't remember. Maybe he had done something mean to her as a baby.

Maybe it was the gemstone he bore on his chest.

Steven graced his thick fingers across the diamond shaped bump below his shirt in thought and sighed.

"I wish I meant as much to people as you meant to everyone", he muttered to himself. "Peridot makes you sound like you were great. And I'm just... this."

With a little pout, Steven poked at his plump belly.

"Jasper hates me because I'm not you, doesn't she?"

The tears started rolling out of the blue, without a warning. Steven gasped a little in surprise and wiped his eyes with the back of his palm, but the flow wouldn't stop. It was odd. He didn't feel particularly sad or teary, yet there was this weird pressure against his chest that felt foreign. It only grew stronger as seconds passed, to the point where Steven was nearly sobbing out of pure confusion. Though he couldn't see it through his tears, he could hear the somewhat familiar sound of a hand shaped spaceship approaching.

Visitors from Homeworld weren't that rare. There would be a visitor about once a month, often just a gem or two checking up on Jasper and Peridot, asking for reports or coming for reinforcements to keep the rebels far enough from the Pink Heir. Steven enjoyed whenever visitors came over because it often meant he had someone to play with, as Peridot wasn't all that thrilled over playing (except for video games, which she had grown excited about). If only for a moment. Steven had learned that the smaller the gem was, the easier it was to talk to them. Bigger gems seemed naturally more stoic, like Jasper. He figured it was something to do with the warrior training, which was a little weird considering that rubies were said to be warriors as well. Yet rubies were his absolute favorites. They were often easy to distract from their missions and would happily take part in Steven's games as long as he gave them a good enough excuse to.

So far Steven's favorite of all was a ruby with her gem replacing her left eye, whom Steven had thusly dubbed as "Eyeball". She visited very often with her crew to "check up on safety measures", yet Steven could tell that the small gem was always there to see Jasper. She had even "discreetly" asked Steven for ways to impress the stoic orange one, yet Jasper remained unmoving, unphased by her clear advances. Steven wished secretly that Eyeball would one day succeed in getting Jasper to warm up, if only to get the larger gem out of her frozen shell.

As Steven heard the spaceship landing, he wiped his eyes furiously in an effort to see the visitors. When he finally got his eyes clear enough, the first thing he saw was a large teardrop falling to the sand. He wasn't the only one crying. Eyes slowly looking up, Steven soon realized that he didn't recognize the giant gem before him. She was larger than any other gem he had ever seen with long, white hair framing her slender, pale blue face shadowed by a dark blue hood. The hood spread into a cloak on her shoulders, draping over her like a heavy veil of water. Her clear, aqua eyes had dark shadows under them with tears cascading over them, down her cheeks to her chin before falling to the ground. At first she seemed surprised to see Steven, the flow of her tears ceasing momentarily as she looked the boy up and down.

"...I thought this was a secure location", she spoke, her voice a soft, quiet velvet. "I didn't know they let humans wander here."

Steven rubbed the back of his neck and gave a slightly nervous smile. Meeting new gems had always been a little difficult to him.

"...are you here for Peridot? For Jasper? I- I can get them for you", he asked.

The giant lady shook her head with the lightest motion, lowering her head slightly.

"I'm here to mourn."

"Oh... I'm sorry", Steven murmured and looked away. There hadn't been any mourners visiting before but he didn't see it as anything particularly weird. Neither Peridot nor Jasper would tell him much about the war but Steven had heard them talking about it between each other by accident – and from the sounds of it it wasn't going very well. There had to be great losses happening that Steven didn't know of behind the scenes. Yet, as much as he wanted to help, he didn't even have any gem powers. Or at the very least none had yet appeared. Instinctively clutching the chest of his t-shirt, Steven stared at his toes.

"...were you close?"

As soon as he heard a tear drop to the sand again, Steven felt tears well up in his eyes as well.

"Very."

"Did you love them?"

"...yes. Dearly."

"...what were they like?"

The blue gem didn't respond immediately. He could hear the slight shuffling of her clothes and dared peer at her from under his eyelashes, seeing her sit down on her knees on the shore. Her eyes hid in the shadows of her hood as she gazed up at the sky, yet Steven could still see the tears sparkling on her cheeks in the sunlight.

"She was... magnificent", she whispered, voice almost breaking. "It's been so little time since then... but for your kind even that time feels long, doesn't it?"

Encouraged by the hurt in her voice, Steven climbed down the stairs to the beach and sad next to her large figure. The sea was calm with merely the faintest summer breeze to cool the air, a few seagulls crying somewhere further away as their cries were distant. Steven took the stranger's example and gazed at the sky, watching a couple white clouds drift by slowly. He didn't have to wait for long for the blue gem to continue.

"For such a young gem she cared so much. About everything. About this world, the creatures that live here. She spoke of them as her little miracles. I never saw her as happy as she was when she spoke of Earth. She really loved it here."

"...do you like it here?"

"It's far too painful."

The quiet between them was peaceful and filled with the sound of the waves. Steven wiped his eyes once more and took a deep breath, inhaling the salty ocean air. He pondered for a moment before turning to look up at the bigger gem.

"You miss her."

"Greatly."

"...I know how that feels."

The blue eyes widened slightly, tears stopping. The blue gem gazed towards Steven, blinking once in curiosity. Feeling a pinch of guilt, Steven looked away and made a face.

"I mean... I don't know if it counts. Can you miss someone who you never met?" he laughed out unhappily. "Everyone tells me about how great she was. I just... wish I could have known her like everyone else does."

Pulling down his collar ever so slightly, Steven peeked at his gem and sighed heavily.

"All I have to remember her by is this and some old murals Peridot takes me to every now and then."

"Are you...?"

Before Steven fully realized what was happening, he was lifted up from the ground and placed atop the blue gem's big palm. The boy flinched and tried to escape at first, only to be pulled right back and to stare straight into the blue gem's large, sad eyes.

"...you're Steven, aren't you? You're Pink's..."

Steven gasped in surprise upon being recognized and stumbled to his feet.

"You knew my mom?"

Without a word, a pair of large blue fingers clutched the hem of Steven's t-shirt and pulled it off of him. He blushed at first in embarrassment but seeing the slight, sorrowful smile forming on the stranger's lips made him freeze. A large fingertip rose, gently pressing against the pink diamond growing from Steven's chest.

"You became so small, Pink. You always were the smallest of us but... this. This is something else."

The way she spoke touched something in Steven in a way that made his eyes tear up, this time with tears of his own. It had happened again. No one ever came here for him. It was always either for Jasper or Peridot... or the one gem that was no longer there. But this was different from everyone else. Those who came to meet Pink Diamond were always addressing him highly while this blue stranger spoke to him like a friend. Like... family. Yet, as good as it felt to be treated with such gentleness... it wasn't meant for him. Steven bit his lip and turned his head away.

"I'm sorry. I'm not her. I don't even know you."

"...Pink? I-"

"Everyone wants her, not me. I know that."

Steven's voice was bitter as he clutched at his gem, pushing away the stranger's finger in the process.

"But... she's not here. I am."

He had already realized he was shedding her tears by the time she started crying again. The doubled amount of his own tears accompanied by blue's was enough to make him sob uncontrollably. Slowly, the blue gem placed Steven back on the sand and took a shuddering breath.

"...she's really gone, isn't she?"

The pain struck Steven like a dagger and he gritted his teeth trying to hold back his crying.

"...I'm sorry I'm not her."

For a lingering moment the two wept together, the soothing sound of the waves enveloping their sobs. Despite the warmth of the sun, Steven felt cold and wrapped his arms around himself for comfort. Still shivering he picked up his shirt from the sand and started heading back inside. No use staying. She was after something that he couldn't help her with, after all. Yet, before Steven even reached the stairs, her voice stopped him.

"...the earth is such a fleeting place. In such a little time so much can change. What's the point in something so beautiful if it doesn't last?"

A little smile crept on Steven's lips.

"Well... I think that's what makes it so beautiful. The great things never really go away", he replied quietly. "They just... turn into something else. But that doesn't mean they can't still be great."

To his surprise, he could hear her chuckle ever so slightly.

"...you truly are the epitaph of her devotion to this planet", she whispered. "You hold the same smile. The same smile, yet... different."

Steven froze on the spot and turned to glance at the blue gem, who was now smiling directly at him. The smile still held the same sorrow in it, but it was somehow a little lighter than before.

"How many Earth years has it been?"

"I... I'm 13."

The blue gem watched Steven for a long time before rising up to her feet. All her movement seemed graceful to a weird extent. Steven couldn't help but feel amazed by her lack of any clumsiness. Hiding her hands below his cloak again, the gem turned towards Steven and leaned slightly towards him.

"...as I guessed, it's been far too little time since then", she said quietly. "I still need time to grief. ...perhaps, if you are right, in time I'll learn to see the weird changing beauty of this world. And perhaps then I'll be ready to learn more about you... Steven."

The boy hesitated.

"...was she really as great as everyone makes her out to be? It sounds like you were pretty close... and I don't know if I'll ever grow to match."

The smile on her face had a mysterious glow to it, a kind of emotion Steven had never seen before.

"You are already one of her greatest miracles. I think you'll do fine."

* * *

A/N: Bleh, I don't know how to end things lol.

Here's a little oneshot request for Shiranai Atsune.

I know you asked for friendship between Steven and Blue Diamond specifically but I couldn't help but add a little bit of Jasper in there, she's giving me major feels. And I thought this AU through a little too carefully...

So okay, if anyone's confused: Steven is Pink Diamond's son, made as a peace treaty to show the rebels for human rights her care for the humankind. So because Rose's motivations were to protect Earth specifically, the war is more about gem rights now and led by Bismuth instead. Steven is raised in seclusion on Earth in order to protect him from the rebels. Raised by, yours truly, Jasper and Peridot, of course. With an occasional Ruby visiting because why not (more like because SHIPPING FUEL AM I RIGHT).


End file.
